Disquieted

I have been feeling quite, quite mopey since last night & can't really decide what specifically happened last night to make me feel this way, other than a conversation with a friend. I suppose I'm a bit worried because of a tiny thing I don't agree with her on, which she says doesn't bother her, but she has been quiet since then.

I had a very difficult time falling asleep last night because I was disquieted. That's the perfect word. And I have been that way ever since. I laid in bed, my mind churning, churning, churning, over everything that is/could be bothering me: money, work, bills, friendships, loneliness, sadness over what once was, life in general, etc. And that carried over into today. I'm exhausted. I worked a full day & an extra period. Came home & made something time-consuming to prepare for dinner. Tomorrow I work in the day & the evening. Saturday I work quite early, a full day, but I can never manage to get to bed early enough to feel somewhat rested for that sort of thing. Sunday I work 4.5 hours.

I just want to be for a bit.

I was surrounded by noise all day & only wanted the solitude of music. I usually always listened to music in the car but the stereo face & ipod cord were stolen a couple of weeks ago. Heart break. No music in the car. I need my music in the car. It is what makes being anywhere with lots of people bearable. Now I do not have it. And I need it so very badly. There's not often opportunity at home to have music loudly playing (not too loudly, mind). I love my iPod but I like to have music out loud, as it is meant to be heard, and to sing along with it. Maybe someone else will fall in love with it when I'm playing with it. Now I have silence. I can live with silence. I love it. But I also need music to drown out the noise of life and ease me into silence.

Right now I'm melancholy. Alone. Disheartened by life. Irritated by people. Exhausted with no time to rest. So I'm going to go use up an iTunes gift card on Johnny Flynn, Laura Marling, & more.

Update: Of course, I go to redeem my gift card & I can't get the code on the back to work. At all. And when did songs change to $1.29? Bugger!