"What are you doing for your birthday?"

My 30th birthday is coming up quite soon and I have absolutely no plans. My family has something they want to do that night, which is special but entirely optional, and I don't think my best friend, who doesn't live here anyway, even remembers my birthday is this week.

At one point, at least a month ago, my mother said "What if we took you to dinner at *********** at 4:30 for your birthday?" That's so they can squeeze me in before going to their thing. Fabulous. I do like that restaurant. Delicious food. I didn't say yes or no but no one has asked since so I'm sure they assume that's the plan.

I have spent my whole life being fitted in when it is convenient for people---or not at all---not when when it is convenient for me or when it would make me feel special. I don't want to be shoved in only when it is convenient for someone on my own 30th birthday.

Is it too much to ask that I be treated as though I am special on ONE DAY in the WHOLE YEAR???? I'm never special, to anyone, and it would be so lovely to be wanted and treated specially? I don't want to celebrate another day (as was also suggested). Another day won't be my 30th birthday. I work on Saturday this week and next. Sunday is Easter. Should you like me to wait until May?

So, as of now, I have no plans for my birthday other than perhaps buying myself some takeaway dinner and watching Pride & Prejudice, Bones, and making myself some cupcakes?

Pathetic & loser-ish but what else is new?

Part of me does say "Why worry? Just enjoy whatever people do for you!" but then I remind myself that I'm being scheduled at someone's convenience. Way to make a girl feel wanted and loved on her birthday.

No Where

My 30th birthday is coming up so very soon and I haven't even been good at blogging. I feel like I'm a complete failure in absolutely everything in life. I am good at lots of things but apparently not excellent at anything. At least, that's how people make me feel. I have nothing and I am nothing. I just want to belong somewhere.