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25 November 2011

What to be or not to be?

Today, after a family dinner, my grandfather called me over to sit by him. I knew he would talk to me about my career & future, which I have been considering and feeling anxious about for a long time. He told me I should be a librarian. Books are my thing; I have considered being a librarian and have been told by many people I should be one. We talked about it for awhile and he told me I should look into it, that he and my grandmother would help me out. Very generous.

I came home this evening and was just doing some research on library science. So far I can't quite find a program in this are and the closest one is quite expensive. I'm sure I could get some financial aid but it is still a lot. So much more than I make in a couple of years. :(

Not only that, but the application process itself scares me. The dealine for the next entrance is coming up mid-January. There's no way I can wrap my head around that or get everything ready by then. I mean, I probably could but I feel discouraged and as though it wouldn't matter---I wouldn't make it in.

The thing is BOOKS ARE MY THING. I love them. I LOVE them. I LOVE THEM. I would be an excellent librarian. I've simply reached the point where I believe I won't ever find a job or career which will work for me. I'm scared to take the chance.

What to do?